Couple’s tend to seek counselling because they feel they are stuck in the same problem or issue and cannot change no matter how hard they try to resolve it together. It may have become an entrenched gridlock, each feeling misunderstood or unloved. For some the “stuckness” may have been only over a short period of time but for some it can have been over many years and there is a sense of despair and hopelessness in it ever being different. It can.
Counselling is not about blame or judgement, no matter what the difficulty or what has happened between you. It is a process where the counsellor seeks to help you understand the “why” and then the “how” to change. Sometimes that change means helping a couple end their relationship but that evolves into a considered positive decision not a reaction to what cannot be dealt with.
The couple therapy I offer is Integrative and dynamic. I am an active therapist, engaging openly. There can be laughter and tears with clients but change can and does happen. It is a place for understanding and growth. Out of pain and despair can come greater strength, love and commitment. Relationships can bring out the best and the worst in us as people. It can sustain us and be our rock but it also has the ability to be a destructive and deeply unhappy place, not the sanctuary we seek.
Couple therapy goes at the pace of the couple, not the therapist. Change can happen after a few sessions (usually a minimum of 8) or it can take greater time when there has developed entrenched patterns of relating, poor communication or a lack of trust.
As a Psychosexually trained therapist I can also help couples to re establish intimacy when they feel ready. Sexual intimacy is often the first casualty of conflict or hurt.